And I’m happily dancing to music in the privacy of my room;

Deep in the night, alone.

All good things (and times) must come to an end.

I can’t have the best of both worlds.

The past few minutes of looking through different flying clubs’ (of the region) webpages put an inexplicable joy in my heart. Perhaps it was the mental picture of me moving to Thailand or somewhere of the sort, actually owning a plane – that much dreamed of classic yellow biplane – and taking it up every now and then; that is something which is impossible in Singapore, but very possible just a few hundred miles away. Yes, I do allow myself to dream happy dreams.

Ideally, just so that I will not decompose into a complete anti-social, isolated introvert married to a plane, I would probably look into setting up a kind of Joy Ride Club for children. The prospect of it makes me extremely excited. The sad part now is that I will not be getting my PPL within the next year, unless I morph into a miracle kid and obtain my license by February. My greatest consolation for this comes from what I was recently told (perhaps reminded of): it is never too late to begin to change your course in life. Everything you are doing now is a start to what you will eventually find yourself doing years down the road. Fulfill your dreams.

And somehow the practical side of me is now telling me that I should be realistic, that I should just stop dreaming and accept that I need to wake up to a life less than extraordinary.

I know. I have an amazing ability to be my own joy giver and my own killjoy.

On another less depressing and unrelated note, I was just thinking about how social media sites have managed to groom an army of attention-seekers in our society. After half a year of being off facebook (and not having missed it at all), I am now back ‘online’ and connected with the world. People are going to know just what the hell is going on in my life without even having to talk to me. I am determined to abstain from revealing too much in an attractive bid to get long lost friends to talk to me. I quite fancy the idea of people asking me where I went to for the Christmas holidays rather than having them tell me where I went to. The latter is utterly unexciting and leaves little potential for conversation.

4 MORE WEEKS.

So I finally met one of the never-mets: Phil Smith. And we have become friends :)

2010, I had just returned from a helluva experience in India, and I was just settling into my new role at work too.

2011, one year on, I’ve been at Wiley for a year and a half… and I’m about to leave for Cambodia.

Cambodia will reset the “counter” and will hopefully give me good exposure, make me a better person, and give me the time out I need away from the hustle and bustle here.

Oh my word… I am gonna miss just about everybody I work with here. Even those whom I’ve never met but have had more than a year’s worth of e-mail exchanges with. We’ve been through quite a bit, working on productions and projects together. I’ve learnt so much. You don’t know it, but I’ll miss you all!

And so again, I’ll take with me the good times and the bad times. Together, they’ll form bittersweet – and ultimately, sweet – memories for keeps.

I went to see the neurologist today. He declared me good. I really liked him. I was happy to hear his words but deep down inside, maybe not that deep even, I really wished there was something wrong. I had hoped that I’d have some problem that would help to cancel out the years, or months. What a pity.

I wonder how much longer I’ll last, naturally. It’d no doubt be a joyous day for all, myself included, when I can run off to join my little hammies (save for dear Honey, still strong). Except that if it’s self-inflicted then I’m probably headed below rather than to that better place.

Patience is key.

Alas now, they have all passed on to a better place, and Mango Pop was the longest and oldest survivor of them all.

Missing you (and all your family) very much. You and all the lil ones and Lolly are fondly missed.

RIP Mango Pop (November 2009 – 2 October 2011)

Mango Pop (extreme left) and in November 2010

And the water is rising quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can’t be sure when it will subside
So I won’t leave your side, no I can’t leave your side

In a daydream, I couldn’t live like this
I wouldn’t stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up, and all i want i have
You know it’s still not what i need something beautiful

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, ’cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I’m in reach
‘Cause I am down on my knees, I’m waiting for something beautiful

*******

I’ve always said that music is magical. You listen to it and suddenly, poof, you’re living in another world, transported back in time. Did it really mean that much to you?

Today is one of those days where I feel at peace. cus God comforted me so I know I have His peace. This year has really been one of learning, growing and changing the way I see things and what I used to think I knew. And for that, I’m very thankful that He is helping me to mature. Most importantly, I’ve learnt that there is only one source. I guess I always kinda knew that but allowed myself to look elsewhere too.

It’s as cold as winter in my veins but I long to feel the summer rain.

Aahhhhhh

I have to be eternally grateful for – His divine guidance aside – the wisdom and guidance He provided through both my parents. I thank God for a cool dad who has always trusted and given me ample liberty to make my own choices from when I can remember, though of course not without due guidance; my mom for being the healthy balance and always giving me advice and support, and even if at times painful, for putting her foot down when she deemed necessary.

I’ve always believed that God puts us through things He knows we can handle. So surely we must have had to gain something significant out of it for Him to have put us through it all in the first place.

And so again, bring me to my knees